1. |
Massachusetts
04:09
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I lost the weight that I put on when I was off my meds
but, still, I lie awake at night, wondering when it will end.
Then you call me up + we fall in love
over whatever the hell is in my cup
+ mindless chatter. Who says it doesn't matter?
Because everything means so damn much to me.
I could spend an evening dissecting the timbre of your speech,
crafting lines to waste our time, + extracting lyrics from our eyes.
When did I stop missing Massachusetts while I slept
+ replace my dreams with visions of your lips,
your hands, the color of the light on your hair as you dance?
Why am I not as tired as I've been when I look in your eyes?
Why am I not as tired as I should be when you take over my night?
I'll scratch your likeness on the backs of receipts + the pages of my literature.
Could I scare you away, make you wish you were here?
I've written love songs to try + get my friends to save me
because maybe, if we were sure of something, I wouldn't need no one to save me.
I used him. He used me. Called it love, called it symmetry.
Here we go again. I won't do it again
because you mean so goddamn fucking much to me!
I could spend the dead of night making progress with my mind,
+ perfecting my art with you on my wall underneath the dimming lights.
when did i stop missing Massachusetts while I slept
+ replace my dreams with visions of your lips,
your hands, the color of the light on your hair as you dance?
why am I not as tired as I've been when I look in your eyes?
why am I not as tired as I should be when you take over my night?
I'll scratch your likeness on the backs of receipts + the pages of my literature.
could I scare you away, make you wish you were here?
Your lips, your hands, the color of the light on your hair on your dance.
why am I not as tired as I've been when I look in your eyes?
why am I not as tired as I should be when you take over my night?
I'll scratch your likeness on the backs of receipts + the pages of my literature.
could I scare you away, make you wish you were here?
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2. |
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I hope you're not torturing yourself.
I hope you are doing well.
I've been losing my head but I can still wish I were there,
smiling into your hold.
An unwillingness to let go.
What I would say, what would I say to you now?
I've been thinking I'm saved in late nights when I'm gone, when you're on.
I know, at least why I've won.
+ I can't stand the things you remember about me.
Can we be original of anything?
Like these words, we held to each other, crying.
Few things have come close to that old feeling.
I've been waiting on this, on you, all week
+, if I'd known then, I might not need pills to sleep.
Hope you don't mind these tries to pull you into the evening
but, like he said, how much fun do you think it would be?
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3. |
Over (How We Compete)
03:39
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You've been obsessed with your mental health, locked in your head, in your room, can you help yourself
if nothing you share makes it to ear level, keep remembering Robin Williams killed himself?
Mama says he's just like me, but what the hell does that even mean?
Am I fated to love + live helplessly?
Does it matter if I don't amount to anything at all?
I hear you've set up camp in bed, with a mirror hanging overhead,
+ I've known you to say you'd never lose + then, last week, I hear that you've lost your head.
+ they say that you're just like me + they say that you belong with me.
Oh, why do I believe the things that they say?
Why do I accept the things that you say at all?
Why are you looking back on your life like it's over?
It sounds like what you'd have told me so I told you.
Can you really stand to let me win, like I had to crumble to let you in?
I know that saying that won't get you to do nothing, but I want to.
You know what it's like to wait in bed + to over-romanticize the dead
+ to never wish aloud because there's too much regret
but, if you wait it out with me, maybe we both forget.
+ maybe this is how we compete + maybe now, for the time being, we get right--or so we believe.
+ maybe oh, my love, this is all we need, I know.
Why are you looking back on your life like it's over?
It sounds like what you'd have told me so I told you.
Can you really stand to let me win, like I had to crumble to let you in?
I know that saying shit won't get you to do nothing but I want you.
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4. |
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I've been playing tracks we always thought we might
have heard on the mountainside.
We'd never say it but we always had ourselves in mind
+ hell, at this point, I'd even settle for a motel aside
a road to nowhere, we knew that's where we'd go.
I can't save you. I can't save anyone,
but I'd like to think this place is better than how we'd found it.
But who am I kidding?
Now I'm regressing because my depression bores me.
Remember my favorite distraction when we were fourteen?
He still makes my heart race like a new definition of afraid
+ hell, at this point, at least it's something, if only pain.
Now we're getting nowhere, we knew that's where we'd go.
I can't save you. I can't save anyone,
but I'd like to think this place is better than how we'd found it.
But who am I kidding?
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5. |
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He called me impatient,
reminded me life's too long to live,
but now i'm stuck on the last two cigs I smoked
while I was wishing time would end.
He's got a lennon mind--
we don't get along all of the time--
but he makes me believe all my lies are done.
I hope you don't mind this one.
Why don't you just help yourself
like I need to kill myself?
Because, to feel alive, we might as well
forget everything + nothing else.
Ink fades under long exposure;
pills catch in my throat + block the words;
you try to escape, waste away, turn blue,
tell me your latest revelation.
Because even before the world went numb
I'd spend the silence thinking of all the fun,
+ you're there sometimes for some odd reason.
I hope you don't mind this one.
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6. |
Songbird
02:54
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Ani Ces San Antonio, Texas
Queer, Chicanx south central Texas singer-songwriter Vic Garces combines a passion for poetry, melancholy, and rock music alone, in a closet, with an acoustic guitar that doesn't entirely belong to them. You might know them from Other Plans.Or from the paintings. ... more
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