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Austin, TX, November 2022

by Ani Ces

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about

All profits will go towards healthcare for both my cat + myself.

lyrics

My body isn’t built for this weather, eating pavement + breaking bones same time each year. The fallout from the summer leaves so much to be desired, but I don’t think I am ever gonna change.

I heard from a friend of a friend you’re coming over. Did they all think I’m not strong enough to know? It’s not like I’ve relapsed yet, or like I’m already dead—heaven knows I am well aware of that.

But it’s already near December. How the hell did this happen? I just walk these decked-out streets oh so confused. I’ve made friends with the bartender + my unbroken hand because I miss too many people this year to miss you, too. But I could fall in love with this city view.

Coming home to family feels just like running away. If I talked about it, they’d want to meet you yesterday. All the negative spaces in our conversations are filled with paintings I’ve had since you left that I’ve not finished. Ain't that so cruel? + I’m not finished yet. Ain’t that so cruel?

Because when I think about how much I miss you I wanna break my hand again, on the pavement + on my head again + again, again + again. So I’ll just smoke this cigarette in the cold + let the carols swarm my head + all the pretty lights flood my eyes + flicker away. Maybe then I would finally get my way.

But I could fall in love, if I wanted to.

credits

released April 7, 2023

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Ani Ces San Antonio, Texas

Queer, Chicanx south central Texas singer-songwriter Vic Garces combines a passion for poetry, melancholy, and rock music alone, in a closet, with an acoustic guitar that doesn't entirely belong to them. You might know them from Other Plans.Or from the paintings. ... more

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