1. |
Til I Die
03:43
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Call me back, make me mad, draw my bath, + think of me last.
Your brown eyes, like unclaimed skies, keep me right until I die.
And I hate pretending to be a friend.
I hate that all of my heroes are already dead,
+ I hate that I still love the smell of cigarettes.
And I hate that I can't get you out of my head.
Unsung truths are me + you. Swing, sweet noose, please don't make me choose.
So sing to me quietly, but forget me. You're killing me.
And I love the quiet + losing my senses.
And I love to climb + straddle all your fences.
I love that I love +, oh, I love you the best. Yes,
I'm sorry that I can't seem to shut up about it.
The question you asked me was rather poetic, so don't you think it's time that we said it?
I don't mind waiting here all night,
because I don't want to drown in all of your streetlights.
I don't care if I ruin my life here, because it's still mine.
I just don't want to hear your name and sigh.
And I say that I know what I'm doing.
And I say--no, I lie--that I always tell the truth.
And I say that I don't care what I am to you.
Still, I say something different when I'm singing to you.
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2. |
July 1 - Late Night
01:20
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3. |
Old Habits
06:11
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I know who you are, won't pretend anymore.
Crazy, scared, or stupid--that's on you.
Still I'll sing all of your favorite Foo Fighters songs
+ pray I get through to you.
Oh, is it a lie to stay alive in love with you?
I've lost my edge. No, I can't do this.
I've lost the need to compete with you
so you can, but I won't hide or deny these words that I've kept inside.
Oh, is it a lie to stay alive in love with you?
And if to love is to die, then won't you bury me tonight?
Or shoot me straight into the sky. For once, let's just not ask why
+ feel this real forever like mercy's got us paralyzed.
I love you + I don't know why I never made this right.
Because I could lie, but why waste our time + give too much power to the mind?
You're too fucking smart to not know, darling, I believe you're mine.
And if to love is to die...
And every single time that I open up my eyes,
I only do it for seconds at a time.
And if to love is to die,
then won't you bury me tonight?
Because I wouldn't lie, I'm so alive in love with you.
So is it a lie?
I'll try not to fall back into old habits
+ I'll try to do you right. You know, you can have it all
for what it's worth. You know, it couldn't make it worse.
Come here, let's quarrel just for a bit.
Sauceda said that's just what prisoners did,
because we never cared. We'd take whatever we could get.
And fuck everyone else I wanted to choose.
I'd rather stay up just thinking about you,
so come steal the sleep right away from me, why don't you?
Oh, is it a lie to stay alive in love with you?
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4. |
Oblivion
03:19
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We came like cockroaches + waited out the apocalypse.
We met over birthday cake + broken hearts + silence.
We were here, did you forget? But I mean, you get me--didn't you?
I try to walk off the pavement every single chance that I get.
Ugly, but it's natural, so let's go back there. Let's make jokes at our own expense.
And we'll be special to no one except the door + maybe the ceiling, too.
So why don't we keep talking, so that oblivion don't swallow us too soon?
Let's keep talking so as to keep the time + from rushing out the room.
We came like we'll go: quiet, passive, microscopic, sore with
the realization that the world, my love, isn't ending.
And maybe I've idealized, but I wouldn't lie--it can't have been a waste of time.
And I still take mine.
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5. |
Dear Friend
02:05
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Singing songs I write for you, your hair a ghostly shade of blue,
I don't know what you're going to do. You left when I was in the future.
I spent our time killing time, never making up my mind
+ when I thought that I could find you, you snuck out of you life and sighed.
Dear friend, hello. Hello, dear friend.
Like a cannonball, boots in hard heels. Our loves + fears + mutuals keel.
I think of you, a weight like steel, but the echoes in our heads are real.
The Winter Springs tree sings to me + my hero's spirit is good company
but nothing like him--he's still free, romanticized like you + me, dear friend.
Time to time, you show up here inside my mind but not so clear.
It's been so long since you were near me, cursing life + wasting the years.
My mind is gone. God save the dawn. I only know how breath is drawn.
The mean one is your favorite song. Where was I when you came along?
Because I think I simply forgot how to remain myself within a crowd.
The fan favorite plays + I fall down. I'm losing, dear friend, so won't you come around?
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6. |
Wish You Were Here
05:53
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I feel less distant far away. My eyes are opening again.
There's no more conflict in my head + I wish you were here.
Kaleidoscope colors clear my head. My vision's become so saturated.
You'd love it so much more than the canvas opposite your bed + I wish you were here.
I wish the world had left us for dead. I've heard living makes time well spent.
My waking thoughts are of you instead + I wish you were here.
(cries like the heartbroken loser she is)
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7. |
Strangers
02:00
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Slowly + faster than that which I know you know.
I know these halls feel safer when I am on my own.
That's what I like to say, but I'm up in here, anyway. But you...
I think of now as a means to an end
because nothing worth having, I think, isn't worth having yet.
Find another room instead, because maybe I'm just out of my head with you.
I fall in love with strangers + characters I'm bound to hate
because I find it easier to have to die this way.
You've got my letter so, darling, please don't make me say I want you.
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8. |
July 2 - Poppies
03:41
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Meet me in the late night. You always seem to find me.
Too much time on my hands, I want to tell you everything.
I want to see you in the pale light because, darling, this is all I need.
And I want to become the earth because I've always lied
+ I want to show you've in the champagne eyes.
I have half a mind to sigh til I'm not alright.
I'm sorry if you think I wasted time.
Then, at least if not now, I swear I will meet you there.
We'll dance among the poppies as if we were all that's left.
Never mind the killers underneath the bed.
And I want to tear off my skin in strips til it's no longer mine
+ I want to stretch along the iridescent sky.
There is dissonance in waking because I died just last night.
I'm sorry if you think I wasted time.
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9. |
Martha
03:56
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"Haven't been back here in a little while. I hope you don't mind if I just unwind."
You say, "I'm sorry, got to go in a few. But you've got so much more to write out, don't you?"
"I'm sorry," she says, "it's the last time I cut through."
She says, "I haven't slept without the pills + I just can't help feeling like an easy kill
+ I want to run til the color swallows me, too."
"Do you want to go to outer space? Do your senses keep your tears on your face?
Do you want to get lost + melt right into place?
I hope you know I can't do much for you, but if I can breathe on land I think that you could, too.
No more than ourselves, nothing more that we could do.
"I see you."
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10. |
Homesick
01:46
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I see you through your eyelids, in all of your brilliance
+ I hope you can walk right through me
because you say you see straight through me, don't you?
I went away last year, missed my flight so I walked on back,
fell more asleep with every step + I think I may have gone off track.
There was something in the air there that just felt like home
+ since I've come back I just don't take deep breaths anymore except with you.
I tell perfect stories but I can't tell what is real.
I can't accept the things you say, my head's held under the heel of my own boot.
Ask me, "is it worth it when you lie because in the moment you feel alive?
Do you spin tragedy for its own sake? Is this really how you stay awake?
Do you wake up feeling homesick? Is your headspace full of shit?
Why do you fall so easily? Does it still hurt when you fall asleep? Tell the truth."
And you're earth just like me + you're hurt just like me. I'm told it's more than shared suffering. But until I learn, won't you wait with me?
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Ani Ces San Antonio, Texas
Queer, Chicanx south central Texas singer-songwriter Vic Garces combines a passion for poetry, melancholy, and rock music alone, in a closet, with an acoustic guitar that doesn't entirely belong to them. You might know them from Other Plans.Or from the paintings. ... more
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