1. |
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I treat these lines so delicately
The same love that I give those that leave me
I've got my brother's twitch
And I've got another wish
A gift, a kiss, some respite
And I'm waiting on it
You say, don't count on it
I'm counting on it
I'm counting on it
I'm not a junkie, I say
I'm just a sensuous one
Although my dreams are all plagued with the newborn
I'm not waking on my feet
And there's nowhere I'm dying to be
But, hell, can you blame me for needing some relief?
I'm counting on it
I'm counting on it
I'm counting on it
Hearts and minds are placing their bets
Just how pathetic can I get?
How many almosts, how many scars?
How long until I've gone too far?
Don't flatter yourself, this bender all has nothing to do with you
I am oversaturated, medicated
and I romanticize the cruel
And I just want to tear the muscles from my bones
But I'm just as fine with chasing a high
While trying to avoid the phone
And you can blame yourself, just like I do
But I am just as okay to
Bash a hole into my skull
Just to let the idea go
I'm counting on it
I'm counting on it
I'm counting on it
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2. |
Don't Wait Up
03:04
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Wash the smoke out of your hair
Said you'd never do it when he was there
But you know just how these things go
You went to bed alone that night
Prayed that nothing comes to mind
Ain't that always how it goes?
Do you know I need it
Do you know I need it to be you?
I'm still always looking for you
It ain't something I am used to
You'd think I'll never let this go
So text me in the morning, love
Make it worth it waking up
And come find me before you go
I walk to the door before I come to
Do you know I need it to be you?
And I can't remember half the things I said
Or what they meant to you, if anything at all
I've washed my hands eight times, the scent's still on my skin
And I can't help but wonder how it'd feel
If you were the one all over it instead
And I'm so sorry, but I'm not sorry
I just wish you were still around
Why didn't I just stick around?
Because now I'm paying for it
Do you know I need it
Do you know I need it to be you?
Do you know I need it
Do you know I need it to be you?
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3. |
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Waiting to lose my senses as I stare at the ceiling
Your voice on my mind as I ride along the 19
I would normally take a walk but, tonight, I'm caught up in my bedroom
Maybe I'll slit my wrists so I can finally have something to do
The crosses faded early that night as I fell for the whites of your eyes
And, I swear, the rest was nihility in my line of sight
I've got this aching proclivity to pull and pull away
But my hands in your hands, they challenge me to inebriate myself
Can you tell?
And I don't want to make excuses
But there are chemicals that do this
Maybe I'm in love, in lust, alive, alight
Maybe this is borrowed time
I look into the masses to find a face that resembles yours
And I'd call your name, but my mind is sore
Do you know like I want you to?
There's a church in my window that always reminded me of you
Because, although I don't believe, there's still comfort in seeing
And maybe I will be okay now that I'm dead, or dying
Because that's what they say
Isn't that what we say?
And I don't want to make excuses
But there are chemicals that do this
Maybe I'm in love, in lust, alive, alight
Maybe this is borrowed time
And I don't want to make excuses
But there are chemicals that do this
Maybe I'm in love, in lust, alive, alight
Maybe this is borrowed time
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4. |
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I hope you're not torturing yourself
I hope you are doing well
I've been losing my head
But I can still wish I were there
Smiling into your hold
An unwillingness to let go
What could I say?
What would I say to you now?
I've been thinking I'm saved
In late nights, when I'm gone
When you're on
I know, at least, why I've won
And I can't stand the things you remember about me
Can we be original of anything?
Like these words, we held to each other, crying
Few things have come close to that old feeling
I've been waiting on this, on you, all week
And, if I'd known then, I might not need pills to sleep
Hope you don't mind my tries to pull you into the evening
But, like he said, how much fun do you think it would be?
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5. |
Absolutely Nothing
04:21
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I ran into you with my eyes closed
Can't tell what is real, all the sleep's disordered
I tend to think of you in bed
Whether or not I'm aware of it
Won't you let me rest?
Come here, won't you light this cigarette
Or something else we might regret?
I know I'm not one to jump
But you're so fucking far when you go
Just leave it under the sun
And call it absolutely nothing
Come out for the fresh air, I think
When you're out on your smoke break
Pretend to be someone else for a bit
On a planet so damn fucking far away
And call me absolutely nothing
Where is your refracted vision?
Your total simplification?
I could finally be a ghost
The one you'd love the most
I could die without letting go
Come here, won't you light this cigarette
Or something else we might regret?
I know I'm not one to jump
But you're so fucking far when you go
Just leave it under the sun
The next time you see me, you'll light up
Like my favorite Pink Floyd album
I think there's ash under my skin
It's all a massive trip 'til I open my eyes again
Just call it absolutely nothing
Where is your refracted vision?
Your total simplification?
I could finally be a ghost
The one you'd love the most
I could die without letting go
Is it a question of innocence
Bleeding out in the kitchen?
We'll make out on the porch
Until this goddamn month is up and I can let go
Just call it absolutely nothing
Nothing, nothing, no
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6. |
Skywalker
05:02
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I wanna go to bed, but I can't breathe at this angle
I wanna sleep but, more than that, I just want the pills
You're so close to me, but all I want is him
Why can't I just stay fucking still?
I wanna quit, but I know it's not the worst it's gonna get
And all these thoughts run too high an RPM around my head
Help me slow it down, maybe you could talk me down
Why can't I just stay fucking still?
Paralyzed by ifs, I'm confined to my bed
Are you up, too? Are you hurting yourself again?
In a tornado seems the only way we can catch a moment like this
Water drops on your face illuminate everything we want to feel
I'm putting off performing, too, said I won't wait for rain to kiss you
But I love the way you catch the light like this
I'm the luckiest loser in the stairwell, gun to my head, colors in the window
They pass without a storm. How dare we ever allow ourselves
To come and go and not be felt?
Why can't I just stay fucking still?
Digging the fat out my chest, I'm picking my skin
Through which wound can I come out and let the real world in?
I still forget to see sometimes
I could be a painting if I tried
But would you see it?
Or let your thoughts scare everyone away, away?
Chain-smoke until seven
Pretend that it's heaven
Pretend it's not what you'd imagined
Then fall to the ocean, and I'll still come home, come home
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7. |
Bergamot Hedonism
03:50
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DXM and wine color my nights
Slow things down, ignore the fight and flight
And you appear in smoke, opiate my mind
Why would anyone be anything but high?
My legs around your waist, my voice too high
I'm so in love with you, I can only sigh
Dissipate into the sky, I vow to make you mine
Forever, forever quantified, simplified
Marigold, lotus leaf
Make me real, show me relief
Reality, or so I think
You are so damn good to me
Call me pretty, make me sing
I can take on anything
I love you, I love you, I love you
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8. |
My Childhood Cat is Dead
02:36
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You said if he could evoke
The love that I had once evoke
Then you'd finally know where you belong
But I'm just holding onto hope
And I just simply lack
The will to try and understand
What you mean, but I am no man
I could never tell just what I am
But I know I've always wanted you around
But when and where could not allow
And all we'll ever get is a sound
It echoes and pounds around my head
Sing along to McCartney
Sing, all my loving but I'm lazy
Does it really mean so much to you?
We were cool, but only just two fools
You said, please don't die today
So I can see you again, okay?
I need you I need you I need you
I need you, I needed you to stay
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9. |
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I've been playing tracks we always thought we might
Have heard on the mountainside
We'd never say it, but we always had ourselves in mind
And, hell, at this point I'd even settle for a motel aside
A road to nowhere, we knew that's where we'd go
I can't save you, I can't save anyone
But I'd like to think this place is better than how we'd found
But who am I kidding?
Now I'm regressing because my depression bores me
Remember my favorite distraction when we were fourteen?
He still makes my heart race like a new definition of afraid
And, hell, at this point at least it's something, if only pain
Now we're getting nowhere, we knew that's where we'd go
I can't save you, I can't save anyone
But I'd like to think this place is better than how we'd found
But who am I kidding?
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10. |
Serotonin Syndrome
03:56
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Want to bash in my skull to relieve the pressure
I heard that you've been doing better
And I wish I could say I'm right
Right there with you
I've got pictures of strangers up on my mirror
Does your person still say I hate her?
Because mine don't even know
Even know your name
Nicotine stains in jewel tone technicolor
Tongue over jaded hearts and every other
Concept of content
Mastery of reverie
I can say now I'm constantly caught up in you
Although what that meant and means has a funny value
And I hope you don't mind I say it like I
I don't mind the space
Dear friend, won't you look around, look at what you've done?
Feet up off the ground, join the revolution
You said, physics don't count in space unless you
You just wanna orbit the sun
Serotonin syndrome, nosedives in the tub
Remember every single second it had felt just like we'd won?
How could you think that I
Would ever, ever be done?
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11. |
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I've quit smoking, or so I'd like to say
Don't know what good it does, feels like I'm dead already
Wish you'd tell me what I can do to be okay
As much as I can be, anyway
Just tell me what to say
I don't know what to say to you anymore
You're not here anymore
You're not anymore
I hate you and all of your friends
I want you so bad, please let me make amends
Because, I swear to God, you'd think that I was dead
And, hell, I wish I were, so I won't have to pretend
Just let me spoil the end
Can you spoil the end for me?
I'm not there anymore
I'm not anymore
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Ani Ces San Antonio, Texas
Queer, Chicanx south central Texas singer-songwriter Vic Garces combines a passion for poetry, melancholy, and rock music alone, in a closet, with an acoustic guitar that doesn't entirely belong to them. You might know them from Other Plans.Or from the paintings. ... more
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